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Findin’ one? Psh, ya gotta know the signs. Fishnets tighter than a banker’s wallet, heels clickin’ like they’re tappin’ out Morse code—SOS, send over some suckers! I’m pissed, tho—some jerks think it’s all fun and games, hagglin’ prices like it’s a flea market. Nah, dude, respect the hustle! Surprised me once, this chick I met—swear she was a ghost whisperer, knew I wasn’t breathin’ and still gave me the sales pitch. Ballsy! Loved that. “You’re not like the others,” she says—damn right, I’m freakin’ Beetlejuice!

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First thing, I hit up the local café, The Woodlands. Best coffee on the island, no cap. I ordered a latte, and the barista, bless her, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you mess up a latte? It was like drinking hot milk with a sprinkle of disappointment. I was like, “C’mon, I need caffeine, not a milk bath!”

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