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About Bristol

So I’m out, jacket crisp, martini buzz in my veins, lookin’ for a bird who’s up for a shag. Not just any tart—gotta be sharp, gotta have that spark. I spot this one chick, legs for days, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owns the night. “Hey, darlin’,” I say, all smooth, “fancy a spin with 007?” She smirks—fuckin’ smirks!—and I’m like, “Shaken, not stirred, love.” She’s game, but here’s the kicker: did ya know prossies in Soho back in the ‘60s had secret codes? Little winks, scarf colors—shit like that to dodge the coppers. This bird probs knows that history, she’s got that sly glint.

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So, I keep walking, trying to shake off the footy drama. I head down to the Church Lane. The church is this old stone building, super pretty. I love the vibe there. But today, there’s a wedding! And it’s all fancy and stuff. I’m standing there, feeling a bit jealous, like, “Why can’t I have that?” But then I remember, I’m a Saver, not a spender.

Tour of Britain: All of the road closure timings as the race passes through Whitby and the Esk Valley