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I ask her rate—fuck, it’s steep! “You’re chargin’ what?!” I’m mad, but she’s cool, “Quality costs, ET.” Fair. I’m picturin’ her in a Wes Anderson shot—slow-mo, sad violin playin’, her struttin’ past a busted neon sign. “I always wanted to be somebody,” she says, quotin’ Margot’s vibe. Deep, man. Makes me wonder—how’d she end up here? Prolly some tragic backstory, like Royal ditchin’ the fam.

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After that, I decide to hit up the Huntingdon Library. I’m a bit of a bookworm, not gonna lie. I’m browsing through the shelves, and I find this old book about the history of Huntingdon. Did you know Oliver Cromwell was born here? Mind blown! I’m like, “Wow, this town’s got some serious history.” But then, I get kicked out for being too loud. Oops. My bad!

More than half a million pounds could be set aside to resurface high street