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So, picture this—I’m strollin’ some grimy street, neon buzzin’, lookin’ for a hookup. Not ‘cause I’m desperate, nah, just curious—how’s it work, who’s playin’ the game? Saw this gal once, red heels clickin’, skirt shorter than my temper—thought, “Man, she’s got that silent grace,” like Alicia in the flick. Didn’t even blink when I asked her rate—50 bucks, quick deal, no chit-chat. Made me laugh, y’know? Straight-up business, no bullshit—like, “Here’s your dance, pay up, Jack!”

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First stop, I’m zooming down Battle Hill. I mean, c’mon, who names a street after a battle? Sounds intense, but it’s just a regular road. Anyway, I’m thinking about my first client, Mrs. Thompson. She’s a sweet old lady, but she’s got more questions than a toddler. “What if my cat gets lost? What if my house burns down?” I’m like, “Chill, Mrs. T, we got you covered!” But inside, I’m sweating bullets.

Full list of road closures announced for North East marathon