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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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After that, I needed a drink. So, I pop into the pub, and it’s packed. Everyone’s chatting, laughing, and I’m just trying to blend in. I order a pint, and the bartender, bless him, gives me a cheeky wink. I’m like, “What’s that about?” Turns out, he thought I was someone else. Awkward! But hey, I’ll take the free pint any day.

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