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Still, I’m vibin’, picturin’ it: me and her, sunset glow, talkin’ soul stuff. “Baby, I’m an optimist!”—that’s me quotin’ Jesse again, ‘cause I’m extra. Maybe she’d laugh, maybe she’d rob me—probs both, lol. But ugh, I’m tired now, feet hurtin’, and I’m over it. Findin’ a prostitute? Harder than findin’ good Botox. Like, literally, I’m done—gonna watch “Before Sunset” again and cry. Peace out, boo!

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Finally, I get to the Freckleton Sports and Social Club. It’s packed. I mean, who knew a Tuesday could be this lively? I walk in, and the smell of chips hits me. I’m starving! But no time for food. I gotta focus.

Contented Group Appoints BAFTA-Nominated Lèmarl Freckleton as First Rostered Director