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She’s leadin me to this dingy spot—smells like piss and regret, but I’m grininn like a madman. “Here’s Johnny!” I yell, and she’s shushin me—hilarious! I’m thinkin, “This is better than *Chinatown*, baby!”—total chaos, total thrill. What’s next? Dunno, don’t care—night’s young, and I’m ridin this wave. You wanna find a prostitue? Hit the streets, keep it real, and don’t be a schmuck—Jack’s way, the only way!

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First customer walks in. It’s this old dude, right? He’s got a beard like Gandalf and a twinkle in his eye. Orders a flat white, but then he starts ramblin’ about the weather. “Did ya see the rain on Grant Street?” he says. I’m like, “Mate, it’s Scotland. It rains every other minute!” But I smile, ‘cause he’s sweet.

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