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We head to this shady motel, smells like piss and regret. She’s all business, no chit-chat, which I dig. I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ her peel off this ratty jacket, thinkin’, “This is my algorithm now.” Like Zuckerberg buildin’ Facebook, I’m buildin’ my night—except mine’s dirtier, ha! Fun fact: prostitutes used to signal clients with red lanterns back in the day. Bet she don’t know that. Bet she don’t care.

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After that disaster, I needed a break. So, I head to the local café on Castle Street. You know, the one with the best coffee in Forfar? I order a latte and a slice of their famous Forfar bridie. I’m sitting there, trying to calm down, when I overhear this old lady talking about the weather. She’s going on and on about how it’s gonna rain. I’m like, “Lady, it’s sunny right now!” But she’s convinced it’s the end of the world.

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