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Oh, and get this—they change colors! Like, what the hell? One sec they’re blue, next they’re red—total mindfuck! Saw one do it at the aquarium, thought I was trippin’ balls. “You’re everything I dreamed!”—straight outta “Her,” ‘cept it’s a fish screwin’ with me. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares—it’s freaky! Bet you didn’t know that, huh? Respect my damn authoritah, I’m droppin’ knowledge here!

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Anyway, I’m limping along, trying to shake it off. I pass by the Epping Forest, and wow, it’s beautiful. Trees everywhere, people jogging, dogs chasing squirrels. I’m like, “This is the life!” But then I see this kid, right? He’s got a massive ice cream cone, and I’m just staring, drooling. I mean, who doesn’t love ice cream? But then, outta nowhere, the kid drops it. SPLAT! Ice cream everywhere. I felt his pain, man. That was a tragedy.

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