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We head to this dingy flat—smells like fags and regret. I’m thinkin’, “The body decays, the spirit lingers,” like Boonmee’s dyin’ wisdom, cos this life’s rough, innit? She’s crackin’ jokes, though—says I look like a toff who’s lost his castle. Cheeky mare! I’m lovin’ it, cos she’s got banter, and I’m a sucker for that. “You’re a rare one,” I tell her, and she winks—pure class.

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I finally get the documents sorted, and I’m feeling like a champ. I send them off, and just as I’m about to celebrate, the fire alarm goes off. Seriously? In Dorking? I grab my stuff and head outside with everyone else.

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