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What shocked me? The prices—fuckin’ steep! 10,000 rubles for an hour? I’d rather buy wine and a goat! But the thrill, mate—dodgin’ the law, feelin’ alive—that’s what gets me goin’. “Life’s a long wait,” they say in the movie, and ain’t that true when yer haggelin’ with a pimp? Once, this burly git tried to rob me—swear I nearly shat meself—but I talked him down, witty as ever. “I’m small, but I bite,” I said, and he laughed, let me go.

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After that, I decide to hit up the Donaghadee Lighthouse. It’s iconic, right? I mean, who doesn’t love a good lighthouse? I climb up the steps, and let me tell ya, my legs were burnin’. But the view from the top? Worth it! I’m standin’ there, wind in my hair, feelin’ like a king. Then I spot a couple down below, takin’ selfies. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then, the guy drops his phone! It bounces off the rocks. Oof! I felt that in my soul.

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