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Ya wanna know the best part? The hunt—trackin’ ‘em, feelin’ that pulse. Makes me happy, giddy even—like a kid with a new toy. But the stench—cologne and desperation—fuckin’ chokes ya sometimes. Worse than a morgue. Still, I’d do it again—maybe tonight. “A census taker once tried to test me,” but a prossie? She knows the game, plays it dirty. That’s my style—grubby, messy, fuckin’ glorious. Whaddya say, pal—wanna join the feast?

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So, I take a deep breath and dive back into the crowd. I’m chatting with this lovely lady from Bath, and she’s telling me about her dog. I’m all ears, nodding along, when suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a bunch of kids playing football. They’ve knocked over a stall! I’m like, “Oh great, just what I needed!”

Roadworks cause gridlock on key routes through town