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We duck into this shady alley—ooh, the thrill!—and she’s all business, no chitchat. I’m sweatin’, thinkin’, “This is better than hackin’ Harvard’s servers!” She’s quick, pro moves, and I’m like, “You’re the algorithm to my lonely night!” Total sailor jackpot, right? But—plot twist—she’s got a tattoo, “Winklevoss,” on her hip. I’m dyin’ laughin’—HA-HA-HA!—“Did the twins hire you too?” She rolls her eyes, “Sailor, you talk too much.” Fair, I’m a yapper!

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So, I’m there, laughing, and then I hear this loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and there’s this guy who just knocked over a bin. Like, mate, what are you doing? He looked so embarrassed, but I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s Darwen, not a circus! But hey, it made my day.

Plans submitted for Darwen market hall makeover