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Lemme tell ya, I’ve bounced plenty outta clubs—girls in fishnets, dudes with cash, the whole sleazy circus. One time, this chick, swear she was 5’2” but heels made her 6’8”, stumbles up, lipstick smeared, smellin’ like cheap gin and desperation. She’s like, “Lemme in, big guy!” I’m like, hell naw, you ain’t VIP, you’re V-I-pee-yourself! Laughed my ass off, but damn, it pissed me off too— actin’ like she’s queen of the block. Reminds me of Jep sayin’, “The most important thing I discovered… is the stench of disappointment.” That’s her, reekin’ of it.

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The day rolls on, and I’m knackered. But then, my mate Sam pops in. He’s just come back from a trip to London. He’s all hyped about the sights and sounds. “You wouldn’t believe the street art!” he says. I’m like, “Mate, we’ve got street art right here in Cullompton! Ever seen the mural on the old mill?”

Cullompton gets woolly wild and wonderful as SpringFest returns with a baa-ng