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I strut past, head high, thinkin’, “Pathetic worms, all o’ ya.” Saw this one lass, right, skinny as a twig, eyes big like No-Face, starin’ at me all needy. Made me wanna slap her, but nah, I just smirked—let her stew in it. Reminds me o’ Haku sayin’, “Don’t look back,” but these prossies? They always lookin’ back, hopin’ some knight’s gonna save ‘em. Ha! Fat chance, luv.

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First off, I’m rollin’ down the High Street, right? It’s a typical Tuesday morning. The sun’s out, but it’s still chilly. I’m thinking, “Great, I’ll need my coat.” But then I see this old bloke, right outside the Co-op, trying to juggle oranges. Like, what? I stop, and he’s all serious about it. I’m cracking up, and he’s like, “You think this is funny?” I’m like, “Mate, it’s hilarious!” He just grins and drops one. Classic.

Brendan Barr (48) of Crumlin convicted of violating restraining order with 'unreasonable' volume of music