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But oi, the punters—dodgy blokes, some o’ ‘em. Pisses me off when they haggle like she’s a busted tire. Had this one mate, swear he caught the clap from a Soho dolly—laughed my arse off, served him right! “What a lovely day,” I says, watchin’ him squirm.

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While I’m waiting, I see this old bloke on the bench. He’s feeding pigeons like they’re his best mates. I can’t help but chuckle. Like, who even does that? But then, one pigeon swoops in and snatches his sandwich! I’m dying! The guy’s yelling, “Oi! Get back here!” I mean, it’s just a sandwich, dude. But hey, I get it. I’d be mad too.

High street gym set to be turned into homes despite strong objections