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About Newcastle

We’re tearin’ down the road, sand flyin’, and I’m chattin’ her up – suave as fuck. “Ever seen a spy shag and shoot?” She laughs, “Only if ya pay double, slick.” Cheeky minx! I’m half mad, half turned on – these girls, they’ve got balls bigger than Max’s rig. Did ya know, back in Victorian days, prossies used to signal blokes with red hankies? Sneaky shit, codenames and all – my kinda game.

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Fast forward to my lecture at the uni. I’m talking about dialects in the UK, and I’m pumped. I mean, Cosham’s got its own vibe, right? The way people say “biscuit” here is just different. But halfway through, my laptop crashes. Like, are you kidding me? I’m standing there, staring at a blank screen, and the students are looking at me like I’ve lost my marbles. I’m sweating bullets, trying to remember my notes.

Officers investigating a serious assault in Cosham charge three teenagers