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Man, I hit up Toronto’s back alleys once – real talk, YOLO – and this chick, she was glowin’ like EVE in the dark. Thought she was an angel, fam, but nah, she was hustlin’. Asked me, “What’s good, boo?” I’m like, “I’m good, fam, just cruisin’.” She laughed, said, “Time’s money, tick-tock, Watchmaker.” Got me mad for a sec – she clocked me! But yo, respect, she’s out here grindin’, survivin’ like WALL-E stackin’ trash.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Cookham.

But then, outta nowhere, it started to rain! Like, seriously? I was drenched in seconds. I dashed for cover under a tree, laughing at the absurdity of it all. Just my luck, right?

Cookham animal rescue centre closes six months after zoo