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Oi, you lot, listen up! Finding a prossie, what a laugh! Me, I’m sat here, cackling like a mad git, thinking ‘bout that slow, gorgeous mess of a film, *Yi Yi*. “Life’s a bloody puzzle, innit?”—that’s what Edward Yang’d say, and he’s bang on. So, picture this: me, Ricky, on the hunt for a tart, right? Not cos I’m desperate—well, maybe a bit—but cos it’s a story, you muppets!

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But then, my mate Dave pops in. He’s all flustered, talkin’ about some drama at the pub. Apparently, someone spilled a pint on his new trainers. I’m laughin’ my head off. “Mate, it’s just a bit of beer!” But he’s fumin’. I mean, it’s just a shoe, right? But to him, it’s like the end of the world.

Conservatives celebrate their new councillor in Colinton/Fairmilehead