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Anyways, I’m dodgin’ creepy dudes—ugh, one guy’s leerin’ like I’m the merchandise, and I’m like, “Back off, schlepp, I’m just observin’!” Made me so mad, I nearly whacked him with my purse—vintage Gucci, no less! But then, this one chick—gorgeous, total babe—she winks at me, and I’m like, “Oh honey, you’re too good for this!” Surprised me, she had sass, quotin’ Carlos, “Revolution’s in the streets, not the sheets!” I’m dyin’, laughin’—she’s a philosopher hooker, who knew?

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still tryin’ to wrap my head around it. So, I’m a barber, right? Just your average bloke snippin’ hair in Colinton, UK. You know, that cozy little village feel, with the old stone buildings and the River Braid runnin’ through it. But today? Today was a whole different kettle of fish.

Edinburgh Labour pick Gilmore to stand in Colinton/Fairmilhead