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About Newcastle

I’m cruisin’ London, eyes peeled, thinkin’, *Where’s the talent at?* Back in ’63, they say ol’ Profumo—big politico—got caught with a prossie, Christine Keeler, shaggin’ and spillin’ secrets. History’s wild, mate! Makes me chuckle—spies and tarts, classic combo. Anyway, I spot her—red heels, fag hangin’ loose, leanin’ on a lamppost. “You lookin’ for a dance?” she says, all sassy. I’m like, *Bloody hell, she’s got Mia’s fire!*—that “I don’t need no one” vibe from *Fish Tank*.

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When I get there, there’s a crowd. Turns out, some dude’s tryin’ to juggle chainsaws. I’m like, “What the actual heck?” I mean, I’m all for showin’ off skills, but chainsaws? Really? One slip and it’s game over. But the crowd’s lovin’ it. I’m just standin’ there, half impressed, half terrified.

Clydach fire: Crews spend 14 hours tackling blaze