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Here’s a lil’ secret, ‘kay? Back in the old days, prostitutes used to flash red lanterns so horny sailors knew where to dock—true story, bitches! Ain’t that wild? Surprised me when I heard it, made me laugh my ass off. “Red light, green light, let’s go!” I mutter, struttin’ up to her. She’s all, “Whatchu want, kid?” and I’m like, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, lady! I got needs!” She smirks, and I’m thinkin’, *This is my kingdom now, assholes!*—straight outta *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit peckish. So, I hit up this little bakery on South Street. Best sausage rolls ever! I grab one, and it’s still warm. I take a bite, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, trying to wipe it off, looking like a right mess.

Excitement as beloved Chichester corner shop completes huge expansion