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Here’s the tea—don’t be a dumbass. Check reviews, avoid alleys, use cash—duh. Me? I’d prob’ly overthink it, like, “Is she cool? Does she judge?” Total Larry move, stressin’ over nothin’. Once heard this story—guy hires a gal, she’s a ventriloquist, does the whole “date” with a puppet. Freaky, right? Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d buy it—life’s WEIRD. “The uncertainty principle,” as the movie says—ya never know what’s comin’.

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Then, I get back to the castle, and it’s packed. I mean, like, sardines in a tin packed. I’m running the lift like a madman. Up, down, up, down. I’m sweating like I just ran a marathon. And then, this lady gets in, and she’s got a pram. I’m like, “Lady, this is an elevator, not a bus!” But I help her anyway.

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