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But yeah, findin’ one? Easy – hit the strip, look for fishnets, attitude. They’re clockin’ you before you clock them. Smart, too – one told me she paid her kid’s tuition slingin’ ass. Fuckin’ wild, made me proud, ya know? Real Sopranos shit – family first, even if it’s dirty.

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So, I sit down with my food, and I’m munchin’ away. The seagulls are eyein’ me like I’m their next meal. I swear, they’re like little flying thieves. One swoops down, and I’m like, “Oi! Get away, ya little bandit!” I’m flappin’ my arms like a madman. People are lookin’ at me like I’m the crazy one. But hey, I’m just protectin’ my dinner!

Match Report: Nantwich Town 3-1 Bootle