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Dunno, man, it’s a laugh til it ain’t. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but who gives a toss? Prossies got their hustle, we got ours – just don’t get stung, yeah? Oh, an watch for the ones with “extras” – cost ya an arm an’ a leg, an’ not in the fun way! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – reckon she’d say I’m mad as a hatter!

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First off, I’m walkin’ down the street, and I see this old bloke, Mr. Thompson, tryin’ to fix his fence. Poor guy’s wrestlin’ with it like it’s a wild boar. I chuckle, but then I realize, wait, that’s my fence too! He’s got my pigs on his side! I sprint over, shoutin’, “Oi! Mr. Thompson! You’re lettin’ ‘em escape!” He looks at me like I’m mad. Classic Armthorpe, right? Everyone’s in their own world.

Armthorpe Welfare appoint former Doncaster Rovers, Mansfield Town and Walsall midfielder as manager