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So, I’m chattin’ her up—nervous as hell, palms sweaty. She’s all, “50 bucks, honey,” and I’m like, “Whoa, steep!” Bargained her down to 40—felt like a Jedi master! Happy vibes, man, ‘til I thought—sh*t, what’s her story? “The past is never where you think you left it,” movie says. Maybe she’s runnin’ from somethin’. Made me sad, yo—nobody dreams of this gig.

ESCORT OF THE MONTH

Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that www.facebook.comg: Alcester.

Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud bang. I jump like I’ve seen a ghost! Turns out, it’s just some kids setting off fireworks. I’m like, “What the heck, it’s not even dark yet!” But then I see their faces, all lit up with excitement. I can’t help but smile. Kids and their joy, man.

Sun shines on Alcester as hundreds enjoy annual pancake races