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So, I see this girl, right? She’s posted up, leanin’ on a wall like she invented chillin’. I’m like, “Yo, you workin’?” She nods, slow, like I’m dumb for askin’. Fair. I’m sweatin’, feelin’ like a rookie swineherd losin’ his pigs. She’s all, “What you want, fam?” I’m thinkin’, damn, this ain’t no lobby boy service. No “May I assist you, sir?”—nah, it’s straight cash talk. I’m pissed tho, ‘cause some dude earlier tried rippin’ me off—50 bucks for directions? Get outta here, clown.

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When I get there, it’s chaos. Mr. Whiskers is up there, meowing like he’s auditioning for a musical. I’m tryin’ to calm him down, but he’s not having it. I’m like, “C’mon, mate, it’s just a tree!” Finally, I manage to coax him down with some tuna. Yeah, tuna. Who knew that would be my hero moment today?

'DETAILED ENGAGEMENT': Plans outlined for new development of 200 homes in Abbots Langley