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Okay, so—erotic-massage ain’t just some backrub, nah. It’s, like, next-level touchy-feely biz. You got oils, dim lights, maybe some funky music—total mood-setter! I heard this wild story once, true stuff—dude in Thailand gets one, ends up accidentally proposin’ to the masseuse! Swear to God, language mix-up, she’s noddin’, he’s sweatin’—D’oh! Bet he was yellin’, “Everything’s strange here!” like in the movie. Hilarious, right?

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So, I’m walking, right? Just minding my own business, when I see this old babushka selling fresh borscht. I’m like, “Yesss, give me that!” But then, she starts haggling like I’m at a bazaar. I’m a warrior, not a negotiator! I just wanted some soup, not a lesson in economics. But hey, I got my borscht, and it was fire! Like, I could’ve fought a dragon after that.

Yehor Yarmoliuk