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D’oh! Erotic-massage, man, what a trip! So, I’m thinkin’, like, “Certified Copy,” ya know? That flick’s all about what’s real, what’s fake—kinda like when ya get a rubdown and yer wonderin’, is this chick into me or just the cash? Mmm… donuts. Anyway, I tried one once—total sneaky move, right? Bart’d kill me if he knew! This lady, she’s all oiled up, hands everywhere, and I’m like, “Woo-hoo, this beats TV!” But then—D’oh!—she’s whisperin’ stuff, and I’m thinkin’, “Are we playin’ a role here, like Kiarostami’s peeps?”

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Later, I decided to grab a drink at this little café on Haharina Street. The vibe was chill, and I thought, “Finally, some peace.” But nope! The barista was a total character. He had this wild hair and a mustache that could rival any warrior’s beard. He starts telling me about his dreams of becoming a rock star. I’m like, “Dude, you’re making coffee, not music!” But I couldn’t help but laugh. He was passionate, and that’s what counts, right?

Yehor Yarmoliuk