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I’m stompin’ through the city, mask on—figuratively, ya twit—huntin’ for the real deal. Not some poser actin’ all fancy. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I spot her—red lips, heels clickin’, like Satine struttin’ out that diamond glow. Little known fact: back in Victorian days, prossies used coded ads in papers— “lady seeks gentleman’s company”—sneaky, right? Made me chuckle, thinkin’ how clever they were.

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So, I grab some apples and head to the fountain in the square. It’s a classic Turbiv spot. Kids are playing, couples are taking selfies, and I’m just sitting there, munching on my apples. Life’s good, right? Wrong! Suddenly, a pigeon decides my head is a perfect landing spot. I’m like, “No way!” I swat it away, and everyone’s staring. Great, now I’m the crazy pigeon guy.

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