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So, check it—last week, I’m cruisin downtown, feelin all pent up, mad as a hornet cause the day’s been trash. Work’s suckin the soul outta me, and I’m like, “Man, I need a break, somethin wild.” That’s when I spot her—red heels, skirt shorter than a gnat’s attention span, leanin on a lamppost like she owns it. Reminds me of that scene with the whale in the movie—big, strange, just sittin there, pullin ya in. I’m thinkin, “Well, shoot, this is it, ain’t it?”

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First off, I hit up the local market on Vulytsia Haharina. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and that one dude who always tries to sell me weird herbs. I swear, he thinks I’m a witch or somethin’. I’m just here for the tomatoes, bro! But nah, he’s all like, “These will make you powerful!” I’m like, “Dude, I just want a salad.”

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