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So we’re hagglin’, yeah, and she’s all, “Fifteen now, inflation, mate!” I’m like, “Fuck off, inflation? You’re a prossie, not a bleedin’ banker!” Surprised me, that did – cheeky cow! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – she’d be screamin’ at me now, “Ozzy, you daft git!” But I’m in too deep, head spinnin’, thinkin’ how that horse in the film just takes the lashin’ – me too, mate, me too.

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The fields are lush, man. Green everywhere. But today? Today was different. I’m minding my own business, counting my sheep, when I hear this loud noise. Like, what the heck? I look up, and there’s this old Lada zooming down the road. I’m like, “Dude, slow down! This ain’t a racetrack!”

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