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Anyways, back to my girl—she’s probs got a dagger hidden in her thong. “The blade gleams in silence”—another *Assassin* line, so poetic, I can’t even. I’d be shook if I saw that IRL. Like, imagine her takin’ clients, then BAM, flips the script. Maybe she’s got a sob story—dad ditched her, mom’s a mess, classic. Or nah, maybe she’s just like, “Screw it, I’m my own boss.” That’d make me happy, ya know? Girl power!

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So, I’m sippin’ my drink, and I see this old lady on the street. She’s tryin’ to cross, but cars are zoomin’ by like they’re in a race. I’m like, “C’mon, people! It’s not a demolition derby!” Finally, I rush over and help her. She’s super grateful, gives me this weird look like I’m some kinda hero. I’m just a dude with a snake spell, chill out!

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