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Lemme tell ya, it ain’t like orderin pizza. Moscow’s got these shady corners—think Red Square but darker, seedier. Girls just pop up, like, “Hey, big boy, 2k rubles!” I’m like, whoa, slow down, lady! Eat my shorts! Prices bounce like crazy—2k one night, 5k next. Inflation’s a bitch, huh? Made me mad as hell—capitalism screwin me over again.

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the Sambir River. It’s a vibe, man. The water’s glistening, and I’m feelin’ all poetic. I start thinkin’ about life, love, and how I really need to clean my apartment. But then, BAM! A kid throws a rock in the water, splashes me. I’m soaked! I’m like, “Dude, what’s your problem?” But he just giggles and runs off. Kids, man.

HERO OF UKRAINE lieutenant colonel DASHKO Ihor Tarasovych