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But—oh, mate—sometimes she’s a right knob. Had this one bird, swear down, nicked me fags while I was pissin’. Turned round, she’s leggin’ it, smirkin’ like, “I’ve abandoned my child!”—y’know, that mad line from the flick? Laughed me tits off, but I was fumin’ too! Cheeky cow. Still, gotta respect the hustle—whore’s got balls bigger than me head.

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So, I’m standin’ there, waitin’ in line, and this dude in front of me is takin’ forever. I mean, c’mon man, it’s just coffee! I’m about to lose it. Finally, I get my cup, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and boom! Instant happiness. But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me, right?

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