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I’ve seen blokes on webcams, too—pathetic! Payin’ for a tease, then cryin’ when it’s over. “Mommy didn’t love me!” they whimper, like David in the film. Boo-fuckin’-hoo! Me? I’d rather cook a risotto than waste time there. But if you’re huntin’, check X—it’s a cesspit, sure, but you’ll find posts. Links to escorts, shady profiles—boom, sorted. Just don’t be a twat and get scammed. Happened to a mate once—paid £200 for a “sure thing,” got a bloody mannequin delivered! Laughed my arse off, then raged—fuckin’ amateurs!

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I head to the park by the river. It’s peaceful there, you know? I sit on a bench, just watching the world go by. Kids are playing, couples are laughing. It’s nice. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon lands on my head. I freak out! Like, what’s with the birds today?

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