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Me fave bit? When they slip and fall off the table—ha! Seen it on X once, oil everywhere, proper slapstick! But serious, mate, it’s dodgy—some parlors ain’t legit, y’know? Heard tales of blokes gettin’ robbed mid-rub! We hates it, precious, hates it fierce! “Evil spreads fast,” like Sembène says—oily evil, that’s it! You tried it? Don’t! Stay pure, stay safe, says Gollum!

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I see this old lady trying to cross the road. I’m like, “C’mon, lady, you can do it!” But she’s moving slower than a snail on a lazy day. I’m standing there, heart racing, thinking, “Is this how I’m gonna die? Watching an old lady cross the street?” Finally, she makes it, and I’m like, “Phew!”

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