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But—ooh!—what if she’s hot? Like, “Mmm… donuts.” hot? I’d be all, “Are you the original or the copy?”—straight outta the movie, man! Bet she’d look at me like I’m nuts. Prolly am. Still, gotta admit, there’s this rush, y’know? Kinda exciting, kinda scary—like when Marge catches me sneakin’ bacon. Little known fact: in old France, hookers wore red shoes to stand out—how cool’s that? Wish they still did, save me the hassle!

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First off, I hit up my usual spot for coffee on Shevchenka Street. You know, that little joint with the weird name? Yeah, that one. I order my usual—double espresso, no sugar. The barista, bless her heart, spills half of it on the counter. I’m like, “Great start, right?” But whatever, I grab my cup and head out.

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