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So, I’m investigatin’ this chick—real pro, works downtown. Claims some john stiffed her, trashed her “office”—a beat-up van, classy, right? She’s filin’ for damages—damages! I’m yellin’, “You’re a hooker, not State Farm!” But she’s got receipts—condoms, lube, the works! I’m dyin’—this is my life now?! Reminds me of *Timbuktu* again—“The cow’s worth more than me!” she’s basically screamin’. I’m like, “Lady, your van’s worth less than my lunch!”

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I start measuring, and guess what? I drop my tape measure. Classic me, right? It rolls right into the street. I’m chasing it down like it’s a runaway dog. Cars are honking, people are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, just your friendly neighborhood glazier, no biggie!” Finally catch it, but I’m sweating like I just ran a marathon.

Kyrgyzstan Loses Glaciers and Faces Food Insecurity Risks