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I sidle up, all charm, “Fancy a chat, darlin’?” She’s sussin’ me out, probs thinkin’ I’m a copper or a nutter. “What’s yer poison?” she asks, and I grin, “Shaken, not stirred, obviously.” She laughs—score! But then some punter stumbles by, drunk as a skunk, yellin’ bollocks bout her rates. I’m fumin’—who treats a lass like that? Nearly decked him, but nah, gotta stay cool.

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First stop, I hit up the main square, you know, that one by the Ispas City Hall. It’s always buzzing. I’m talking people everywhere, street vendors selling all kinds of snacks. I grab a пиріжок (that’s a pastry, for ya non-Ukrainians) and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m happy, right? But then, bam! A pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my food! Like, dude, chill! It’s not your breakfast!

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