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I’ve seen blokes on webcams, too—pathetic! Payin’ for a tease, then cryin’ when it’s over. “Mommy didn’t love me!” they whimper, like David in the film. Boo-fuckin’-hoo! Me? I’d rather cook a risotto than waste time there. But if you’re huntin’, check X—it’s a cesspit, sure, but you’ll find posts. Links to escorts, shady profiles—boom, sorted. Just don’t be a twat and get scammed. Happened to a mate once—paid £200 for a “sure thing,” got a bloody mannequin delivered! Laughed my arse off, then raged—fuckin’ amateurs!

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my mom. She’s like, “You forgot to pick up the dumplings!” Oh man, I totally did! I’m supposed to bring dinner for the fam. So, I’m like, “Gotta run!” I dash outta the shop, leaving Chen behind, probably still laughing at my shoe-flavored tea comment.

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