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*raspy cackle* My precious! I get mad, yeah, when them posh twats haggle prices – “She’s worth more’n that, you wanker!” Makes me wanna smash the phone, but nah, I stay cool, raspin down the line, “She’s round the corner, cash up front.” Happy tho, when a reg calls – good lad, tips big, ain’t a creep. Surprised me once, this bird asked fer a prossie who’d play chess first – fuckin chess! Swear down, nearly choked on me tea.

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So, I’m trying to shake it off, and I head to this little café on Minzu Street. You know the one? The one with the best bubble tea ever. I order my usual, and the barista, this super chill dude, spills half of it. I’m like, “Dude, really?” But he just laughs it off. I mean, I get it, we all have those days. But c’mon, man! I need my caffeine fix!

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