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What pisses me off, though? The hypocrites! Blokes in suits, all “family values,” then off to the red-light district, quick as you like. Makes me wanna scream, “Look at me! I’m the whistleblower here!” – but I don’t, ‘cos I’m classy, me. Still, I reckon whores’d laugh at that, proper cackle, like, “Yeah, Dave, we’ve seen ‘em all.”

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So, I’m on my way to the Banqiao Station, right? Gotta catch the train to meet my buddy. But then, BAM! I see this street vendor selling bubble tea. I can’t resist. I mean, who can? I order a large one, extra pearls, of course. I’m sipping it, feeling like a king, when suddenly, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy canceling on me. Classic. I’m like, “Great, now I’m just a bubble tea king with no one to share it with.”

Massive new dams remind China of human price of ‘tofu constructions’