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About Myself
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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animal. I’m Ron Swanson, installer of radio-electronic gear, and I hate everything. ‘Specially prostitutes. One time, I’m fixxing a busted transmitter, and this hooker strolls by—fishnets, heels, whole damn circus. Smelled like cheap perfume and regret. Reminds me of “Finding Nemo”—“Fish are friends, not food,” right? Well, this chick’s like, “Men are wallets, not friends.” Made me mad as hell. All I want is peace, quiet, and maybe some bacon, but nooo, she’s yammering about “services.” I’m thinkin’, lady, I’d rather swim with sharks than deal with you.
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Finally, I got my stinky tofu. And OMG, it was worth the wait! Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside. I was in heaven. But then, I took a bite, and it was like a flavor explosion. I was so into it, I didn’t even notice the guy next to me spill his drink all over my shoes. I was like, “Dude, really?” But I laughed it off. It’s just shoes, right?
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