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Fun fact, tho—did you know prostitutes in Amsterdam got unions? Like, legit benefits and shit. Meanwhile, I’m here hagglin’ like it’s a flea market. She’s quotin’ prices, I’m noddin’ like I get it. I don’t. My head’s spinnin’—part nerves, part “Is this legal?” Google ain’t helpin’, too many tabs open. I’m like, “M. Gustave woulda charmed her for free.” That’s my guy—suave as hell, even with the chaos.

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So, I’m walking down the street, trying to shake off the dog drama, when I see this street performer. He’s playing the erhu, and it’s beautiful. I’m standing there, totally vibing, when suddenly, a pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, seriously? I’m just trying to enjoy some culture here! I laughed it off, but inside, I was like, “Why me?”

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