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So I’m there, *fumbles with invisible wallet*, tryna figure this out. Happy as a pig in mud, cos – adventure! But then, angry too, cos some geezer tries rippin’ me off – 50 quid for a wink? Nah, mate! “You don’t even know who you are yet,” I mutter, like in “Boyhood,” cos I’m lost, ain’t I? *flails arms like a wally* Lookin’ for a sign, maybe a neon one – “Girls! Girls!” – but nope, just a kebab shop.

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But then, this one kid kicked the ball too hard, and it came flying at me. I ducked just in time, but it hit an old lady’s shopping bag. She was NOT happy. I mean, who can blame her? I felt so bad! I helped her pick up her stuff, and she ended up laughing. “Just another day in Michalovce,” she said. I couldn’t agree more.

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