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Still, there’s summat romantic bout it, yeah? That lingerin tension, like Chow and Su tiptoein round love. Findin a prossie’s got that vibe—bit dodgy, bit thrilling. Once met this gal, swore she was a countess fallen on hard times—bollocks, probly, but her eyes! “If there’s an extra ticket…” I nearly asked her meself! Exaggeratin? Maybe, but it felt big, epic, like I was stormin Normandy for a shag.

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First off, I hit the streets of Liptovská, and it was like a scene from a movie. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I was ready to conquer the world. Or at least grab a coffee at my fave spot, Café Doma. But guess what? It was closed! Like, seriously? Who closes a café on a Tuesday? I was fuming. I mean, c’mon, I need my caffeine fix!

Man, 55, mauled to death by bear while picking mushrooms in Slovakia