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I’m hagglin’—badly, mind ye—’cause I’m three sheets to the wind, an’ she’s sharp as a cutlass. “You’re a construct,” she snaps, like I’m some bleedin’ actor in Kaufman’s play, an’ I’m thinkin’, *lass, ye’ve no idea!* That got me riled, aye—don’t ye dare call Cap’n Jack a puppet! But then she winks, an’ I’m happy as a clam, ‘cause she’s got sass, an’ I like ‘em feisty. “Savvy?” I slur, an’ she rolls her eyes—fair ‘nough!

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Then, I head over to the Zalec Beer Fountain. Yeah, you heard me. A fountain that pours beer. Genius! I grab a pint, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feeling good, laughing with some locals. They’re telling me about the history of Zalec. Did you know it used to be a big deal for hops? Like, hop central! I’m thinking, “Man, I should’ve been born here.”

Obituary for John Otterson