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Stupid fat hobbit, don’t ya judge ‘em, tho! Some’s just lost, y’know, stuck in a maze like that film. “I’ll tell you a riddle,” I’d say to ‘em, but they’d laugh—prossies don’t care for riddles, just quid! Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but one time, saw a john run screamin’—she’d nicked his trousers mid-deed! Laughed me head off, preciousss, proper comedy gold! Still, makes me twitchy—whores got power, yesss, twistin’ folks ‘round their grubby lil fingers. What d’ya reckon, eh? Dream or nightmare, them lot? Gollum says nightmare, yesss, but damn entertainin’ one!

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But then, I got a call from one of my clients. He was having a meltdown before a big match. I had to step outside. I was like, “Dude, chill! You’ve trained for this!” But he was all, “What if I mess up?” I told him, “You won’t! Just remember, it’s just a game!”

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