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So, I’m down the docks, yeah, salty air hittin me lungs, thinkin – where’s she at? Prossies round here, they’re ghosts, mate. Slip through yer fingers like wet fish. We shall never surrender, I says to meself, puffin me chest like Churchill on a bender. Found one once, right, near the old pier – Ruby, they called her. Cheeky lass, red lips, eyes sharp as a gutting knife. Little known fact – she’d hum sea shanties while workin, swear down! Made me laugh, that did – a prossie with a tune? Fancied meself Theo Faron for a sec, savin the world one shag at a time.

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But then, outta nowhere, this group of kids runs by, playing tag or something. One of them bumps into me, and my phone goes flying! I’m like, “Noooo!” It lands on the cobblestones, and I’m praying it’s not cracked. Spoiler: it’s fine. But I’m still fuming. Kids these days, right?

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